I am
Terrified of love.
So much so
I would rather surrender,
Locked up in chains,
Then to be put through it again,
All that vulnerability and pain.
I’m so wrecked that shrinks
Call me criminally,
No, lovingly insane.
Charged wih murder in the first degree of my soul
And rape in the third degree of my heart.
Ravaged like an animal and no one knows
Love has abused me from end to start.
It has persuaded me to commit treason
Becoming an enemy to the state
Of my mind.
A felon, a convict
I write on the walls in my cell, like a sign.
My body no longer mine
My mind no longer mine
My heart no longer mine.
I’m serving my sentence, incarcerated.
But with such negligence of my mind,
I might as well be committed.
Not because I’m suicidal
But so that I can somewhat be left whole.
But I don’t blame you, can’t even blame the world.
For I am an accessory in the matter
Feeding to your ego like the mad hatter.
Allowing you,
No giving you,
weapons of my destruction.
Handing you a how to tear my heart apart book of instruction.
Even though you fire your lies like bullets from an AK
I allow you to torture me with bullshit day after day
I couldn’t help it, it felt good, I let you have your way.
Numbed to the cruelty like I’m on novocane.
No more pain.
I am so weak so scarred
I tiptoe around my heart like a spy during the cold war.
Sniffing around potential suitors like a k9 
Hunting for drugs that will render me unconscious again,
Just so I can get another whiff of pain.
As much as I moan and complain
I still cannot change.
An endless cycle
I am comfortable,
Lost and cold.
You must think I’m psycho
I guess I must be
To allow this to happen to me.
But I’ll do it over and over
I will take no cover
In the slightest chance that one day
I’ll find myself a true lover.

— Hungie (reposting again because i made some minor changes)